torsdag 3 november 2011

On American Soil...

Back on American soil I realize my shorts are still in sweden somewhere. 
So if any of you swedish buddies find them let me know.  
To all of you that I managed to see in my very tight schedule-Thank u. To all of you that I did not managed to see, Iam sorry, but my trip was mostly about hanging out with my family.

The stories that lives in us shape us. They been handed down to us through generations. 
At times we feel we are caught in a cobweb of this stories, until we take a look at them, and see them in the light of awareness, so that we can liberate ourselves and find the freedom to tell our own story. The primary relations that brought us into this world, and the relations upon which they stand becomes the foundation for the relationships we create on our journey of self discovery. 
There comes a time of full embrace when we get enough self awareness to regain our free will. 
A time when we can tell our own story, not longer haunted by stories from the past, or seeking just like children to be acknowledged by our peers and ancestors. We grow up. 
We become our own storytellers.                 
We can take the best and the worst of that which was given and no longer live like an unconscious expression of others stories.
By healing the stories that was handed down to us inside of ourselves we are given an opportunity to evolve those stories and tell our own.                                                     
Its a liberating feeling to arrive to that place. To be initiated into ones life.
Some have more stuff to work out that others. But in the end its all a gift. 
A gift of self discovery and self knowledge. And the person with the most wounds to heal and tend to, might end up to be the most blessed. 
Interestingly wound can be traced back to an old galeic word meaning blessing. 
We can participate in our evolution, or not.
If we do life becomes an adventure of one discovery and growth-experince after another. 
We are aligned with evolution- the process of life.
If not, i think evolution will hit us right in the face and reflect all that we are not willing to look at through life's drama and circumstances. 
At times I grief that I did not make it to this destination earlier. Other times I am just so very grateful since I know I could have arrived at the end of my life as well, or maybe never.
If I could do something in my life that would bring me joy, it would be to be that role of a pathfinder. A guide that could provide some support as one is on ones road of self discovery. 
Maybe help to prevent some of life's many detours but then again they serve their purpose to so I don't know. We are all on our own journeys and maybe that's just the bottom line. 
There is no need for guidance, assistance or anything else or is it ?
I guess if we can hold space for each other, to realize certain things about our own nature, and to assist each other in getting a direct experience of what we are, and what we are not, that would be a good thing...
When I was young I remember looking for a rolemodel.
Someone to look up to that would teach me about life's mysteries and share stories around a campfire. Like a wise man or something. Someone to talk to about life and its different depths and challenges.    My father had left and where not available and my father that had taken his place where very loving but not my fantasy idea of a obi one kenobi. A gandalf, a sage.
I came to realize that the only way to find this man, was to try to find him within myself.
Cause he where no to be found, that man of magic who would initiate me into the mysteries of life. 
I remember that longing so well. Like if it was yesterday. 
If i could do something in my life I would love to meet that longing for someone else as and elder. Someone just like me wondering if there would be someone out there who actually could provide some valuable wisdom and life-skills for life's challenges and many times confusing situations.
Gosh just to be part of a beautiful mentoring program that would assist people just like myself thirsting for self-discovery and guidance.
There probably is a bunch of those programs, especially here in the states i have discovered. 
But i don't know about Sweden, if they exist there.
If anybody knows about them, let me know...                                                                        

I use to make the mistake to think we as people are all the same. I use to think that my own curiosity about the essence of life and the big questions and its depths was shared by us all. 
I came to realize that the stuff I am fascinated by most people don't give a damm about. 
And to some its just some luxury entertainment.
I can see that perspective, but nothing make me more happy than to attend a TED conference or the conscious life expo in los angeles. Its amazing and its fun.
I remember when I a s a young man went into the theosophical society on karlaplan and I was the only young guy around with all these white bearded old guys. 
I loved it as others in my age where out drinking looking to score.
I guess there is an old man that lives inside me.
Its tough to care about things that others don't give a shit about. Let me tell you. =)
Its like a part of you don't exist, because it has no space to breath and be.
My father told me taking my letters into consideration. Hey Fredrik, i cant write what you write in a lifetime so how about just sending me something more basic. 
I guess my basic has always been different but iam learning as I evolve.
Many times I forget that what is basic for me might not be basic for another.

In fact it might just be annoying which also should be taken into my consideration as i open my mouth.
I was told once by a wild man on a beach who was dealing with something called the human design system. Looking at your birth numbers and profile he told me ; Fredrik. You should shut up. All the time.
and if u must speak, say, may i speak, see if u are allowed than speak, or better than that wait to be invited to speak. But I replied, than I would never speak if I would wait for  people to invite me to speak. Then he said. In that case you will never speak!
I look puzzled by this man statement but something did hit home in my core.
He also said, your visions and inspirations are not for you to realize. 
It will only give you a headache. Let others realize them and get inspired by them. 
I felt relived and yet funny about this man´s statements.
I also thought. How will I go about taking on this challenge raised by a mother who talks all the time ? Maybe its something I learned to do i asked myself...
Cause I am more silent inside than many people I meet that don't say much.
Life is a paradox.
And with that sentence, I have run out of words for this time.
Until we meet again. Hurry slowly...
Be well.

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